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11 Steps to Create, Manifest, and Maintain Mutually Beneficial Relationships

It is a part of our human nature to be connected to others. However, circumstances throughout our lives have colored how we interact with those around us. Many times past relationships whether romantic in nature, with family, or other social relationships that have ended in strife due to miscommunication, neglect, or abuse cause us to build up a protective layer, a wall if you will to keep everything out as we tell ourselves “I’m not going through that again.”

In building these ever protective layers around us we also block out our feeling nature. As we do our best to keep ourselves from feeling the pain from the past we also filter out other feeling that help us grow. This growth is a beneficial part of our existence as we are sensitive, highly feeling, beings that need to be able to identify our feelings, acknowledge them and then be able to process and release them.

Many times individuals come to me to help them address the hurts from the past, to release and heal, so they can move on. Often times these individuals are able to recognize past patterns that they have with various relationships where they are attracting the same type of person with the same issues. Different face, Different clothes. Same problems.

Then the light bulb goes on as they are able to identify the specific lesson that they are to learn from what I would call an energetic relationship stream. “I’ve learned that I am worth more than what I was getting from these past abusive relationships” someone might remark. “I learned that I need to stand up for myself and not be such a doormat” another might say. And then there are others that identify how they have frequently mistreated others, including themselves causing them to be unable to have mutually beneficial harmonious relationships.

So how does one create and manifest a mutually beneficial relationship?

Most importantly we have to look at how well we are treating ourselves. If we are not treating ourselves with respect, kindness, and gentleness of spirit most likely we are not doing the same with others, unless we are at the other extreme where we care for others in ways were we have improper boundaries causing us to not adequately care for and respect ourselves.

Some steps you can take:

1. Refrain from Judging Others.

Others make decisions and take action based on where they are at and what they have learned in their life time. Everyone’s experience is different. Just like you they have issues to deal with past hurts to heal, and have picked up many patterns and programs over their lifetime that may not be appealing to you or others. For those that you meet that are difficult to deal with or simply make choices that you would not, accept them as they are. Set up proper boundaries, not allowing behaviors that are abusive in any way. You can choose to be a good example in that relationship, and ask yourself what are you learning from them being in your life at this moment. The lesson may be simple; you may come to a realization that you need to move on.

2. Respect Yourself. Remember Your True Worth

This means not condoning abusive, neglectful behaviors. If you are in this type of relationship you can as an adult take action steps to remove and release yourself from these relationships and if you know children that are in these types of relationships, you can help them as well.

If you don’t believe that you are worthy of having great relationships, then you are creating an obstacle towards you manifesting what you want. By loving and respecting yourself you are creating energy around that which you want to create; the very same from others in your relationships. Remember you teach people how you want to be treated by what you allow, and others are able to observe how you treat yourself, and they treat you in kind.

3. Don’t Nitpick. Give Constructive Criticism and be Open and Willing to Receive it as well.

I know of spouses that correct what their partner does/says in front of others. Not only is this cringe worthy It also makes the partner that is criticized pull back from the relationship, curbing further communication with them. If you have something to say to those that you are in a relationship with calling them out on something in public is not the best way. Honor the relationship by addressing your concerns in private. Think about how you would feel if they did the same to you.

4. Remember it’s NOT a Competition.

Relationships are a means for us to complement each other. Remember your worth is not based on what you can do better than others. We can choose to uplift others and to support them on their journey, and they can do so as well with us. If we are overly focused on how we are better based on all of our own accomplishments, we miss out on how the true value of relationships.

5. Don’t Focus on What You Don’t Have or What You Feel is Missing.

In an energetic world whatever you focus on expands. When we focus on lack of anything it just creates more of that for us. It certainly does not create what we want. However, knowing what we want does create an energy in us that guides us to move toward what we wish to experience. I know of individuals that focus on what they don’t have, and when they see what they want, such as a couple in a happy relationship they get angry, frustrated and jealous. Energetically, this creates blocks to manifesting this type of relationship. The universe is giving you this example of a healthy, happy relationship to show you what you can create. However, producing angry negative energy towards or about others that have what you want does the opposite. The energy that you produce either attracts or repels. So when you see that happy couple you can give a quick smile and feel the energy and emotions that you would have if you were in that type of relationship.


Very simple concept but easily overlooked. Unconditional Love is love that has no conditions. This is important in all relationships. This takes out the I love you only if you do these exact things for me. I love you if you never change (you just stay the way that I like and how it makes me feel safe, you don’t lose weight/gain weight, etc.). I love you if you make x amount of money every year, and so on. So if they lose their job, get their hours cut back, and you leave, you didn’t love them you loved what they could provide for you. Ask yourself would you want someone to behave the same with you?

7. Using Clear Direct Loving Communication.

From many years of working with individuals and families I have learned that communication is everything. Even in families that express themselves by using a pattern of being loud, overbearing, or manipulative little is accomplished by way of communicating unless the goal is to be “loud, overbearing, or manipulative”. Being loving does not mean being passive and overlooking mistreatment. It does involve treating others the way that you would like to be treated with fairness. One that learns how to respond to others instead of react maintains their own personal power and balance, as I go over in detail in my book Mental Alchemy.

8. Allow for Personal and Spiritual Growth and Independence.

It’s unrealistic to believe that you or someone else will stay exactly the same throughout your/their whole life. Interests change, and so do beliefs. As we grow older, and for some of us as children, we have an inner knowing that what others believe in our family system and society is not something that resonates with us, whether it involves religious views or family patterns. As stated before refrain from judging others. So your best friend from childhood now has a different faith than what you both grew up on. Allow them to be who they are. Even if you don’t believe, show interest in what they are sharing, and allow them to express themselves. A sure way to squelch any relationship is to try and control every aspect of it and not allowing others to be who they are. As long as they are not infringing on your basic rights then let them be. Remember to focus on your own growth and to see which aspects of your life no longer fit for you. Most importantly take time for yourself to enjoy activities that you love. Allow yourself to be OK being by yourself. If you are unable to feel great alone in your own presence, how will others be able to do so?

9. Having Fun and Enjoying One Another’s Company

Are you allowing yourself to spend time with people in your life simply enjoying the little things as well as the more planned out extravagant ones? Taking that walk together, having that long overdue conversation, those are a part of building strong lasting relationships. If you only around others when it’s convenient or a special event is happening don’t expect those relationships to be very deep and meaningful. You get back what you put in.

10. Trust Your Intuition

In any relationship trust your intuition. If something doesn’t feel right, then it’s not. This also applies to the groups you hang out in as well. Some people and groups are well meaning, however, if you constantly feel drained after being with others than that’s a sign that you need to distance yourself, perhaps have more firm boundaries, or limit your time with those individuals. If you are energy sensitive it is even more important to listen to your feelings as you are receiving guidance as to what you are experiencing. If you are feeling depressed, anxious or angry for no reason after being around someone it’s likely that you are picking up on their energy. Remember to apply this when you are meeting others for the first time. Don’t ignore the feelings that you have. They are there for a reason and in some cases they may help you steer clear of future heartache and pain.

11. Focus On Gratitude

Although, it is good to acknowledge what we dislike, as stated above, whatever you focus on expands. It helps to make a daily practice to remind yourself of the positives in your current relationships. Even if your partner has a hectic work schedule is there anything that they do that makes you feel good? Makes you feel special? Are they working those extra hours to provide for you in some way? Another example may be, having a critical and overbearing parent. Is that pattern something you observed in their parents as well? Perhaps the positive for you is that they contribute by watching your children when you are ill. Finding at least one thing that you are grateful for about that individual and focusing on that every day, and adding more to your list of what you are grateful for will not only enhance your relationships it will allow you to see that individual with a fresh perspective.

It’s important to keep in mind that people do what they can with what they have and their level of understanding at the time.

If you find yourself currently not in any mutually beneficial relationships, focus on how you can create them. Be the person you want to be with in the relationship. Do you want to be around kind, trustworthy, compassionate people? Make sure that you are exhibiting those qualities in your current relationships. Go out of your way or past your comfort zone to be friendly and kind to others. Smile at the person next to you on the subway, pick up something someone dropped. It really is in the little things. If you walk away from an opportunity to assist in something small you are reinforcing the energy around you to be closed off from others. Thus, you are still in a state of not creating healthier relationships.

Some may say that this is hard work to create, manifest and maintain mutually beneficial relationships and in truth it may take some time, especially if you have experienced unhealthy relationships throughout your lifetime. However, as we come to the realization that we want to change our lives and in the process be in more enriching, lasting supportive relationships even with ourselves we can acknowledge that everything in life worth having takes effort.

Please Share with those that may benefit.

Many Blessings On Your Journey,

Tabby Sapene, MSW, LISW-S Integrative Clinical Mental Health Therapist Integrative Spiritual Consultant Energy Therapist

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