Honoring The Pain We Feel & Moving On From The Past.
We all make mistakes. Choices rather. That eventually we have to deal with in one-way or another. How we choose to deal with them is based upon our level of understanding of how we created, co-created, or are experiencing the situation or issue. Many times we get stuck in a pattern of grief, pain, blame, you name it due to the lack of ability to cope & move forward.
Let’s face it change can be scary, resulting in fear of the unknown. How will I survive without that job? How will I live without that person in my life? These are a few of the questions one asks in the middle of the turmoil.
These questions are valid as they enable us to think about the future even if we are still stuck in patterns that no longer serve us. We identify that the loss of something, someone, or result of a choice causes us pain. As well it should. This pain can be embraced if we so choose, allowing ourselves to feel it fully & envelop us to a point that we can no longer take it anymore. Then we see through the pain, the hardship to a place that seems all to distant but in truth it is right in front of us.
That pain that hangs around us blurring our vision in a misty shroud does not have to be permanent. That is a choice that we will make. There is a time when after identifying, embracing, and letting go of the pain that we see the cloud shift. This can take time or happen rather swiftly depending on our ability to cope with change, different stressors, & ability to give up on our past ideas that something or someone needs to fit in our pre-established patterns.
Asking ourselves “What is it the we really want out of life?” & being able to identify what makes us truly happy, can assist greatly in moving forward.
Maybe that relationship of 20 years did not last. That job you prided yourself on was terminated, the life path that you were happily on was halted due to an illness. These all can cause a range of pain for you & those around you. Other people’s expectations of you are challenged & most importantly you are faced with examining your own expectations of your self.
Do they need to be changed? Do you need to redefine or alter your expectations to meet your current needs? Or are you at a point where you need to come up with brand new expectations to move forward in life.
These answers come from within. You can get a myriad of advise from many sources, all explaining & perhaps in great detail what might benefit you the most. Most individuals mean well as they give their advice solicited or not. However, they are going to look at your situation through there own lens & often how they view the world & situations may not be the same as you do.
Listen to what they say. It may spark some ideas. It may cause you to recoil. At the end of the day you need to trust your intuition to go forward with what feels right to you. Does this mean just doing what makes you feel good at any time? No, it does not. It means trusting your gut feelings on how to proceed next.
Tabby Sapene MSW, LISW-S