Letting Go: Redefining Grief, Loss & The Afterlife: Part 1
There are many forms of grief. Grief can come in the experience of a loved one’s transition of this earth plane unto the next. Grief can also be our experiences as a loss of innocence due to trauma & abuse no matter what age. And very simply grief can be a part of our response to letting go of things that no longer serve us, but we hold a strong attachment to. That job you had for 10 years & was just let go, the house that you spent many precious moments in with family, or that relationship that you invested a lot of time & effort in; these are a few examples of things that we hang onto even after they are long gone, causing us to halt in our tracks.
Sometimes this causes fear, fear of the unknown, “What will happen next?” We are unsure so live in this fear, sometimes allowing it to envelop us to the point that we cannot move forward. Depression can also occur, thoughts about the past, what we no longer have, this feeling can overtake us as well. Then there is death: the passing of one’s soul from its current earth body, to another place. Based on our own level of religious/spiritual understanding we ask “Is Grandma in Heaven?” “Or is she asleep?” Or if you were not very fond of your grandma because she wasn’t a very nice person maybe you think she resides elsewhere. Perhaps with a pitchfork? All of these answers are relative to our belief systems, what we have been told, & to our experiences to loss of any form. What we have to ask ourselves is if we are willing to allow ourselves to believe in something more, something beyond our current level of comprehension.
But first there is one thing. The most important step for us to take during anytime of grief: Honor Your Feelings. What does this mean you ask? Well you are already experiencing these feelings in your own way. Some grieve openly, others bottle up what they feel believing that this will cause them less pain & allow them to move forward. To honor your feelings you start to identify them first. For one of my clients many years ago their spouse died suddenly leaving several small children. Understandingly, my client was sad about the loss, but it took some time to identify the anger & resentment that came up in regards to becoming both the caretaker & provider. They began to see it in their interactions with others, as they attempted to go back to work, increase their involvement with their children & take on more responsibility.
As we talked they described being upset that their career was not taking shape as before their spouse’s death. They described the pain they felt, & the frustration that they were not in control of what was happening, just like they were not in control of their spouse’s passing. After exploring that it hit. Yes they could not control death, but they were able to control what was going on around them by shifting their view.
By releasing blame they projected on to their loved one they were able to regain control of how they saw their world. Was it perfect? No, but they were able to garner the strength they once thought that was no longer there to live each day. And shifting the energy that once held anger & bitterness to compassion for themselves they were able to move forward.
Are you able to do this in your own life? Are there things that you need to release & let go? If so, then yes. The moment you identify what is causing you grief is the moment of realization, taking you from the point you once were to looking down the path of what can be. We can choose to live in the past in the pain & suffering of our own choosing or we can look forward & see what lies ahead. Does that mean we leave everything behind? No, but we can choose to see things differently.
I will explore more of this with you next time….
Blessings & Love,